"Family Fears: Alcoholism and my Father"

Photoed by: Me  "My foot gets dried while chatting with a friend under the sun @ Boracay 2013."

Honour your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.- Deuteronomy 5:16 How would you apply this verse to your life if your own father persecuted and berated you for your being a Born-again Christian, as if you were not of the same beliefs? Sounds funny right? 

    Yes, he is also a Christian and already baptized but, sad to say, based on the way I see my father, he is not taking Jesus seriously in his life. He still under the addiction of drunkenness. I thought he would change when I grew up and could stand by my own feet, having my own earnings and helping him to support our family needs. I thought that, when he became a Christian, he would transform himself to be a “cool dad” and a “sweet dad” like other “Christian dads” I encounter inside and outside the church. But, unfortunately, he is still just as bad as before. Nothing changes! He always tells me remarks that would slice and leave scars in my heart as if I am not his daughter when he is under the spirit of alcohol. 

    I remember last New Year’s Eve, when I prayed for our family, including our hearts transformation. I didn’t notice him, that he was listening to my prayer, but after that hour, I received from him words that I couldn’t take and couldn’t swallow. I had nothing to do, just I cried inside my room and prayed. My heart and spirit were grieving, totally disturbed by him and angry at him. 

    I just allowed my tears to flow down my face in silence, but deep within I shouted in pain. I was really disappointed by him and was agonized by the words I heard from him. He criticized me, on how I prayed and objected on the content of my prayer that night. He doesn’t like when I cry every time I pray because he feels that I am just articulating things as if I am telling to the Lord bad things against him. He always feels paranoid! He considers me abnormal and told me that I am not a nun to act like that. 

     I am just wondering and asking myself why my dad doesn’t understand the feeling of being a Christian, as if he is not a Christian. Why doesn’t he know how to talk to the Lord, that we can be true to Jesus whatever we feel, and why he doesn’t comprehend that we can share everything to the Lord as our “Father” in heaven? This is the big question in my mind -- is my father agnostic? Why does he always keep denying that God can help to unchain him from being captive by his past if he had lots of hard times during his childhood? Why not surrender everything to the Lord and refresh himself to the presence of Jesus and start a new life with Jesus as the center of his life? Why does he allow the evil spirit to enter his life and let them manipulate and control him? 

     Well, I believe that it’s a matter of choice. He gives pains and contributes lots of hard times in my Christian walk; yes, he does not deserve to be loved. Even though I really want to retaliate against every insult and rude word from him, I still opt to tame my tongue and choose to honor him, for this is the Lord's command to us as daughters and sons (Deuteronomy 5:16) and I will love my dad (my persecutor) -- for the Lord said in Luke 6:28 “bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” -- despite of who he is, because like me, though I am totally undeserving like my dad, Jesus still chooses to love me like my dad! 

     Therefore, I still strongly believe by the power of prayers and faith in the Lord that what is impossible with men is possible with God. That even the person who has the hardest heart in the world, Jesus can still transform this heart into a humble heart. I believe that God can help my dad to set him free from any obsession, bondage and guilt. God can do miraculous changes in my dad’s attitude and character. I still believe that someday, in God’s time, I will see my dad raising his hand, worshiping the Lord, declaring the goodness of the Lord and taking Jesus seriously into his life.

     I believe that God will also use his life for Jesus’ ministry. Through God’s compassion, grace and mercy, Jesus will also strengthen and keep us still while waiting for our prayers to be answered. Amen. God bless readers! 

    Do you have struggles in your Christian life? Are you also being persecuted by family members? Are you going to dishonor your parents if they impart you heartaches instead of love? What are you going to do if you were in my situation? Do you still to love, pray and honor your parents if they are the ones who cause you pain? Do you believe that every prayer has its own time to be answered by the Lord?